Why Homework Feels Impossible to Start?

Hi Coco,

Have you ever watched your child stare at their homework for what feels like forever—laptop open, books scattered around them, maybe with tears welling—you’re not alone. For kids with ADHD, Autism, or other learning differences, the most challenging part of homework often isn’t the math problems or the reading assignment. It’s getting started.

Parents frequently tell us, “Once she gets going, she’s fine. But the start-up takes forever and leaves everyone stressed.” That struggle is a classic example of task initiation—an essential executive functioning skill that’s harder to master for some kids.

It’s not laziness. It’s not defiance. It’s an invisible challenge that can look like procrastination but is, in reality, a form of paralysis.

Three Reasons Kids Get Stuck

Why does getting started feel so impossible for them? Most often, it’s one of three reasons:

• The task feels overwhelming—they see the entire assignment as a mountain instead of manageable steps.
• They don’t know where to begin—directions are unclear, or priorities are fuzzy.
• They anticipate failure—believing the work will be too long, too hard, or just miserably boring.

Taking time to identify what’s behind your child’s struggles can help you approach them with empathy instead of frustration—a shift that makes all the difference for both of you.

Explore These Strategies To Help Them “Get Started”

Shrink the First Step

For kids overwhelmed by the size of the task, the secret is making the first move as small as possible—so small that it feels approachable. Model this thinking for them:

“Sometimes when I’m stuck, I take the teeniest, tiniest step”  

Then ask: “What’s the smallest step you could take right now? Opening the book? Picking up a pencil?”

If that step still feels too big, think of it like a ladder—you may need to add a smaller rung in between to make it possible.

Create an Activation Ritual

If your child seems overwhelmed, anxious, or just drained, try shifting the energy with a simple ritual to get them into “task mode.” This can be anything that helps their brain switch gears:

• A snack to refuel them.
• A two-minute dance or stretch to reset their emotions.
• Listening to an upbeat song to lift their mood.

Once they’re “activated,” ask them to commit to just five minutes of work and then pause to check in: “Do you think you can handle five more?” Breaking the task into bite-sized pieces lessens the pressure and builds motivation piece by piece.

Clear the Path and Offer Choices

When indecision is the roadblock, the best support you can offer is removing barriers and helping them focus.

• Ensure they have everything they need: instructions, a clean workspace, and the right supplies.
• Then, provide clarifying choices:
  “Would you like to start with the easiest assignment or the hardest?”
  “Should we work together for the first five minutes, or do you want to try it solo?”

Sometimes even choosing feels overwhelming, so get creative: roll a die, flip a coin, or draw tasks from a jar. Turning the decision into something playful can ease the pressure and help them take that first vital step.

A Skill That Takes Practice

The truth is, getting started will probably always be harder for your child than for their peers. Task initiation is a lagging skill—it takes time, support, and lots of practice before kids can internalize these strategies and help their own brains “kick into gear.” 

Every time you partner with your child, drawing on patience and creativity, you’re helping them build confidence to navigate their challenges.

So tell me—what’s tripping your child up the most: overwhelm, indecision, or dread? And what’s one little step you’ll try this week to help them get going? 

We’d love to hear from you.

Here’s to less struggle and more starts!

Warmly,

Coco & Vicky